infragilis et tenera

(Shuffle your music player, answer each question with a song title, etc.)

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Home Sweet Home (Wolfman Jack)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
We Don't Think, We Know (Maritime)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Midnight in a Perfect World (DJ Shadow)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
A Commercial (Dead Kennedys)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Who Will Save Us Now (Straylight Run)

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Pure Delusion (Crossed Out)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I Could Build You a Tower (Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
The Distance (Cake)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Century After Century (Idlewild)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Middleman (Bright Eyes)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
On a Plain (Nirvana)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Sex Born Poison (Air)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Fine Girl (Frank Zappa)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Pieces of Your Heart (Natasha Bedingfield)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Dark Leaves from a Thread (Destroyer)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Apples in the Three (Mirah)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
She's Just That Kind of Girl (Lucero)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Train Under Water (Bright Eyes)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Avalanche Rock (The Avalanches)

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Who Stole the Soul (Public Enemy)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
I Remember (Suicide)

1. Do you like blue cheese dressing?
i do not know.

2. Have you ever smoked cigarettes?
no no no

3. Do you own a gun?
no no no

4. What's your favorite drink at a coffee shop?
soy latte, or now maybe it's chai

5. What do you think of hot dogs?
i like not dog

6. Favorite Christmas song?
last christmas

7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
tea, milk and two

8. Can you do push ups?
about four

9. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
these little tin bird brooches i got in the blue mountains.  they are really cheap but cute!

10. Favorite hobbies?
going to shows, listening to music, reading (when I have time), playing with my iphone, making zines, talking to jodie

11. Do you have ADD?
no

12. What's one trait that you hate about yourself?
i don't understand some people

13. Middle name?
grace

14. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
what should i do tonight of all the things i need to catch up on, i wish my housemate would take his mouldy washing off the line (it's been two months maan) and umm i am really looking forward to tom gabel & chuck ragan tour.

15. 3 drinks I drink most often?
umm lately it's been - cherry coke, water & tea

16. Current worry right now?
my projects at work will not get funded by the guvament soon and i'll get the boot

17. Current hate(s)?
i don't know if i have the capacity to hate.  but i'm pretty annoyed at several people for several different reasons.

18. Favorite place to be?
my bedroom but it needs a clean

19. How did you ring in the New Year?
with josh barton & dale conation at the hamilton station hotel

20. Like to travel?
i love to travel

21. Name two people that will complete this
probably no one. it's all good

22. Do you own slippers?
my grandad made me some. but i don't know if i'd call them slippers.

23. What color shirt are you wearing?
light grey aa shirt

24. Could you ever make it 39 days on the show Survivor?
i could make it 180

25. What songs do you sing in the shower?
the new amsterdams - "bottle it up it'll take a bottle to get it outtttt"
donnie dureau - "rain rain, umbrella-less muddle..laughing to herself from a second storey window"

26. Favorite girl names?
susy pow

27. Favorite boy names?
simon, ben, marius, morgan and josh hehe

28. What's in your pocket right now?
nothing

29. Last thing that made you laugh?
i told the girls at work if they just laugh they'll feel better so i just started cracking up and someone who didn't know why i was laughing started laughing too.  but she's weird so idk. 

30. Worst injury you've ever had?
i guess i used to get sciatica in my sciatic nerve (duh) but I've never really injured myself much.  i did have a 100kg man lying on top of me at the HORSE the band show last night.  but he didn't injure me.  just scar me for life when he got out his wwaaaaanng

31. Do you love where you live?
lewisham house is rad.

32. How many TV's do you have in your house?
1 is big, there's a second one on the floor that's small i noticed this evening.

33. Who is your loudest friend?
bina.

34. Does someone have a crush on you?
doubtful

35. What is your favorite candy?
reese's peanut butter cups

36. Favorite Sports Team?
none

37. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
catching the train home from Minus the Bear, Straylight Run, HORSE the Band & Jaguar Love with Simon, Lizzie and Josh

38. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up today?
oh god it's 7am already. but it was actually 3am

39. What is your favorite holiday?
my birthday

40. What are your plans for tomorrow?
work 9-5, come home, catch up on some sleep.

I've spent the last few weeks looking forward to this weekend and I'm right smack bang in the middle of it right now!

--

I'm packing for Canberra tonight for an early flight tomorrow morning.  I can't wait to get there and get this work week into gear.


--

I had valentines day breakfast at 3pm today with my two favourite males - Si and Josh.

--

I'm really looking forward to Propagandhi in CBR, Straylight/Minus the Bear/Jaguar Love/HORSE the band in Campbelltown, Death Cab in Enmore, Tom Gabel in Australia, Chuck Ragan in Australia....seeing more of An Horse...oh dear, I think I need to vomit.

Simon said tonight that by Wednesday he'll be like this never happened.  Soon the bruises will go and he'll be okay.

I said it's going to take me a little longer.

--

We were walking down a street on Caturday night/Sunday morning to get a taxi and this guy who was walking past with two friends just threw a bunch at Simon's face.  He punched again and Simon was knocked unconscious.  He fell to the ground and started snoring.  The guy, realising Simon was knocked out, began kicking him in the back on the head.  He did it twice.  I yelled at him to stop.  That's enough.  He stopped and ran up to me.  10cm from my face.  He yelled at me.  "If you don't shut the fuck up you're next cunt" with his fist raised ready to Fuck Me Up. 

--

I called the police who called an ambulance.  Simon was awake but didn't even know he'd been kicked.  It's the most traumatic thing I've ever seen - to know what these three guys look like and to have seen everything that was done and not being able to fix it or intercept without risking both of our lives.  We spent the rest of the dark hours in RPA where Simon slept and doctors occasionally checked his heart rate and all those things.  I sat there too afraid to touch his arm in case I hurt him.  I couldn't sleep upright in a plastic chair with bright emergency room lights and moaning patients all around us.  I've never felt so ineffective. 

--

The only thing I can think of is what could have happened.  I get these awake-nightmares in absolute full detail of me stopping the kid who did this and him taking out a knife and stabbing and stabbing and stabbing me or him continuing to kick Simon in the head like I've seen in the movies.  Or Simon dying there.  It's all just about one tiny little part of that assault changing and the result being completely different.

--

I can't take time off work - it's our biggest week.  In fact, I'm not going to have time to breath until Caturday 21 February.  Once our national conference is over.  All that I need is one tiny little thing like a hug or knowing that this isn't going to go away or something..... and I will crumble.

I waited up for you to call but you never did.  So I fell asleep and woke up to a distinctly aggressive message. 

It seems like you can't help those around you even if they're the closest people you know.  You can't just fix them, even if they want the help.  You can't give them jobs or houses or your love or pay their bills or rent or feed them with your quiet words and food and friendship.  You can't feed someone friendship.  Unless it's a dinner party or a date where the food is shared amongst conversation - irresponsibly enveloped between how've you beens and how is work treating yous but then you find the things you're doing are forming into one.  Suddenly you're spitting out pesto or sprays of beer while discussing your latest fuck or the promotion your friend is vying for or the Superbowl.  It's a true sign you've gained a friend when you can't hold off your response time enough to swallow the slop they serve up in restaurants these days.

I sleep underneath pages of pop fiction novels in the Winter and during the Summer I leave the window open and lay above the books (spines poking into other spines uncomfortably).  I leave the window open for the only thrill that seems to enter my life.  Everything else is positively boring or normal or just so.  I don't know if you notice but I sleep the furthest away from the door or window for safety's sake - my safety.  It just shows how wimpy I am, I suppose.

I talk about you like you're on TV.  The latest development on NCIS.  You're a crime scene that needs investigating and it just so happens that you're a young, very attractive woman who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. 
You're Ms Palmer but we all know she was bad news.

I'm made up of robotic functions and I'm far too aware of this.  The only human parts of me seems to be my ability to feel and my ability not to rust in the rain.